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Peer Gynt
Act Two, Scene Six
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Excerpts from the
new translation of Peer Gynt
Peer Gynt: Act One, Scene One & Act Two Scene Six
Peer Gynt
ACT TWO, SCENE SIX
(The royal hall of the Old Man
of the Dovre trolls. Great assemblage of TROLL COURTIERS, GNOMES, GOBLINS,
TROLL PEOPLE. The OLD MAN'S children and nearest relatives are on either
side of him. PEER GYNT stands before him. A huge tumult in the hall).
TROLL COURTIERS: Kill him!
The son of a Christian dare
Seduce the Old Man's favorite daughter!
TROLL CHILD: Can I slice his finger in two?
ANOTHER TROLL CHILD: Can I drag him by the hair?
TROLL GIRL CHILD: Hei, hei, let me bite his rear
TROLL WITCH (With ladle): He should be boiled into broth and stew.
ANOTHER TROLL WITCH (With a
carving knife):
He should be stuck on a spit or browned in a pan.
OLD MAN: Chill out! (Beckons
his advisors closely round him)
Go easy on the bragging, if you can!
Things have been going downhill these past few years.
We no longer know if we can stay the course.
Help could prove useful even from Man.
This boy seems to me a fine specimen:
No defects, well built, as far as I can tell.
It must be conceded he's only one head
But that's my daughter's condition, as well.
The craze for three-headed trolls is now dead.
Even two-headed trolls are a rare enough quantity;
And the heads on those are of fairly poor quality. (To PEER)
So is it my daughter you're after marrying?
PEER: And the kingdom that comes along with the daughter.
OLD MAN: You get half while
I'm in the land of the living
As for the rest - you'll come into that later.
PEER: Sounds reasonable to me.
OLD MAN: Now, just wait my
boy.
You also have some pledges to give.
Break one of them and the contract's void,
And there's no way then you'll leave here alive...
For starters, you must promise never to care
For anything outside these precincts here.
You must shun the day and all sources of light.
PEER: Make me a king, I won't put up a fight.
OLD MAN: Next, we must test
if you're clever or not.
(Rises from his seat)
THE OLDEST TROLL COURTIER (To PEER GYNT):
If you've a wisdom tooth, let's see if you can
Crack the shell of the riddle the Old Man will set.
OLD MAN: What is the difference between Troll and Man?
PEER: No difference at all
as far as I can see.
Big trolls will roast you, the little one's scratch.
If we humans dared, we'd do as much.
OLD MAN: Granted! In that,
and more, we're inclined to agree.
However, morning is morning and night is night.
And one huge difference looms into sight.
Listen now, and hear what that difference is:
Out there, beneath the expanse of blue
The edict stands: "To yourself be true!"
But in here, we trolls will have none of that stuff.
Our motto's, "Troll, to yourself be enough!"
OLDEST TROLL COURTIER: Can
you plumb that abyss?
PEER I have to confess -
OLD MAN: "Enough!"
my son; that word, whose dark power
Must be sealed on your coat of arms from this hour!
PEER (Scratching behind his ear): Well -
OLD MAN: Must be, if you're to rule over us.
PEER: What the hell - O.K! It could be worse!
OLD MAN: The next thing is
to hold very dear
The national customs we practice here.
(He beckons; two TROLLS with pigs' heads,
white nightcaps, etc., bring food and drink)
Our cows give cakes, our bullocks, mead.
Don't ask if they taste sour or sweet.
The main thing is always to keep in mind,
It's all home-made; all imports are banned.
PEER (Pushing the offerings
away):
You can send that homemade drink to the devil.
I'll never get used to this country style.
OLD MAN: The bowl goes with
it; it's gold - and be sure
Who owns the bowl is my son-in-law.
PEER (Reflecting): Well, it's
written: "You must subdue your nature".
And in time this drink might not taste so sour.
Here goes! (Drinks)
OLD MAN: Now that was very
wisely expressed.
But you spit -?
PEER: The old ways aren't so easily suppressed.
OLD MAN: Next you must cast
off your Christian gear.
There's a rule of the trolls that operates here:
"All must derive from these mountain walls.
Not the valleys": except the silk bows on our tails.
PEER (Indignantly): I don't have a tail.
OLD MAN: Then you must acquire
one.
Steward, use my Sunday-best to tie on.
PEER: Hell if you will! Are you taking me for a ride?
OLD MAN: You don't court my daughter with a bare backside.
PEER: Turn a man into a beast!
OLD MAN: You're way off the
mark;
I'm letting you see how troll courtships work.
You'll get to wear a bright flame-colored bow;
It's highest of honors we trolls can bestow.
PEER (Reflecting): It's said
that Man is only an atom
And it's always wisest to follow the custom.
So, tie away!
OLD MAN: You seem a reasonable fellow, at least.
OLDEST TROLL COURTIER: Try swinging it freely and elegantly
PEER: Ha, is there anything
more you want out of me?
Is my Christian faith the next on your list?
OLD MAN: No, don't let that
thought disturb your rest.
Faith is free: not a thing we control.
It's by his actions you can tell the troll.
Just keep to our ways and the fashions we wear,
And you're free to call 'faith' what we tend to call 'fear'.
PEER: You know, in spite of
these many provisions
You're more reasonable than I previously thought.
OLD MAN: My son, we trolls
are much better than report.
(One more difference in trollish and human conditions).
"But now, the dull business of the day is o'er" -
In other words, let's feast the ears and eyes.
Strike up the Dovre-harp's melodies!
Dancing girls, hit the Dovre dance floor!
(Music and dancing)
OLDEST TROLL COURTIER: How do you like it?
PEER: Like it? Er -
OLD MAN: No need to be shy.
What do you see?
PEER: A hideous monstrosity.
A cow with a cloven hoof strumming on gut strings.
A sow wiggling about and dancing in stockings.
OLDEST TROLL COURTIER: Eat him!
OLD MAN: He's still trapped in his human senses.
TROLL GIRLS: Rip off his ears and tear out his eyes!
WOMAN IN GREEN (Sobbing): Boo-hoo!
Must we hear such calumnies
When my sister and I perform our dances?
PEER: Oh my! Was it you? Well,
what is the harm
In a joke at party with the friends you're among.
WOMAN IN GREEN: You'll swear that's true?
PEER: There was inexpressible
charm
In both playing and dancing -or the cat get my
tongue!
OLD MAN: It's a curious thing,
this human nature;
It proves such a difficult thing to discard.
In a battle with us it can get badly scarred,
But the wound soon heals itself in the future.
My son-in-law seemed the most yielding creature;
He willingly cast off his Christian breeches.
He willingly drank our simple home ale
And willingly wore, when requested, a tail.
So willing, in fact, to do all we bade him
I honestly thought the stubborn old Adam
Had at last been expelled and show the front door.
But see! he's come back through the window once more.
Well then, my son, there's nothing else for it:
You've a human condition and we have to cure it.
PEER: What will you do?
OLD MAN: I will scratch your
left eye
Just a smidgeon, so you'll see properly askew;
Then all you observe will seem lovely and true.
Then this right window-pane we'll just pull -
PEER: Are you drunk?
OLD MAN (Setting a large collection
of instruments on the table) :
Here are the tools I'll apply.
You must be blinkered, like a recalcitrant bull.
Then your new bride will seem most beautiful, -
We must treat what's causing that optic distorting
That makes you see pigs and bell-cows cavorting.
PEER: Your must be deranged!
THE OLDEST TROLL COURTIER:
Hear our Great Man!
Whose words are wisdom: it's you are insane.
OLD MAN: Consider how much
self-torture and doubt
You'll free yourself from, year in and year out.
Only recall your eyes are the fountains
Of tears that can scald like lava fire.
PEER: True enough; and as the
Good Book maintains
If your eye offends, pluck it out entire.
But listen; when will my eyes return
To human sight.
OLD MAN: My friend, never again.
PEER: Oh, really! In that case then, - have a nice day!
OLD MAN: Where do you think you're going?
PEER: I can find my own way.
OLD MAN: Wait a moment! Getting
in's not all that hard
But the Dovre gates don't open easily outward.
PEER: You don't think of keeping me here by brute force?
OLD MAN: Listen, try to be
reasonable Prince Peer!
You are made for a troll; it was abundantly clear,
From the start, you signed on to the classic troll course.
You want to be a troll?
PEER: I don't deny it.
When a bride and a well-managed kingdom's on offer,
There are many small losses I'd be willing to suffer.
But in this world everything still has a limit.
I've gone along with having a tail, that's true.
But what the Steward tied on I can always undo.
I've cast off my pants; they were ancient and tattered.
But I can wear them again, so that doesn't matter.
And when the time comes I can unlearn at will
All these weird Dovre habits you've tried to instill.
Say a cow is a girl? Yes, I'll take an oath
An oath can always be swallowed again
But this, to know you can never return
To a free human life, and a true human death,
To live like a troll for the rest of your days,
As a condition you are damned to remain in always: -
It's true the text warns us, "If you make your bed" -
But that irrevocable act is something I dread.
OLD MAN: I'm becoming quite
angry, I swear by my crimes,
And when I am angry I do not play games.
You pale thing of daylight, do you know who I am?
Making free with my daughter, you miserable sham!
PEER: You lie in your throat!
OLD MAN: And now you must marry.
PEER: You dare to suggest -
OLD MAN: Are you going to deny
That you lusted after her? Is that what you claim?
PEER: What if I did? Who the hell's going to mind?
OLD MAN: You human creatures
are all of a kind.
In your speech it's all spirit that governs your
deeds
But you rely on your fists to take care of your needs.
So it's your opinion that lust does not count?
Only wait. You're soon to get proof that it does -
PEER: You'll need better bait to hook me with lies.
WOMAN IN GREEN: Peer you'll be a father before the year's end.
PEER: Open up, I am off!
OLD MAN: You'll be getting
your brat
Wrapped in a goatskin
PEER (Wiping sweat from his forehead): Let me out of this nightmare!
OLD MAN: Should he be sent to the palace?
PEER: Put him on welfare!
OLD MAN: Very well, prince
Peer, if you really want that.
But one thing is certain; the die is cast.
And your offspring will thrive, you'd better not doubt.
Troll bastard brats grow extraordinarily fast.
PEER: Old Man, it's best we
sort this thing out;
Be reasonable, girl! Let's make a deal.
You should know I'm not a prince for real
Nor rich any way you choose to measure.
In fact you're not getting much of a treasure.
(WOMAN IN GREEN faints and is carried out by the TROLL MAIDS)
OLD MAN (Regards him contemptuously
a moment and then speaks)
Crush him to pulp, children, against the rocks.
YOUNG TROLLS: Please, Pa, can
we play owl and eagle tricks
The wolf game; Gray mouse and the bright eyed cat?
OLD MAN: Yes, but be quick. I'm angry and tired. Good night. (He goes)
PEER (Pursued by YOUNG TROLLS): Keep off, brats from hell!
YOUNG TROLLS: Gnomes, nixies,
bite
His back and buttocks.
PEER (Trying to escape through a trap door): Ow!
YOUNG TROLLS: Block every exit.
TROLL COURTIER: They love it, the youngsters!
PEER (Fighting with a TROLL
CHILD who is biting his ear) :
Let go, little beast!
TROLL COURTIER (Rapping him
over the knuckles)
That's not how a prince of the blood is addressed!
PEER: There's a rathole - !
YOUNG TROLLS: Block it before he breaks loose!
PEER: The old one was foul but the children are worse!
YOUNG TROLLS: Flay him!
PEER: If I were only a mouse! (Runs about)
YOUNG TROLLS: (Closing in on him): Pen him in! Pen him in!
PEER (Sobbing): Or even a louse. (He collapses) :
YOUNG TROLLS: Now get his eyes:
PEER (Buried under the trolls):
Help, mother, I'll die.
(Church bells ring in the distance)
YOUNG TROLLS: Mountain bells. Blackfrock's herd passing by!
(The TROLLS fly in confusion and shrieking. The Hall collapses; everything vanishes)
